tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260170608317887597.post6259816082890034495..comments2023-08-28T16:26:31.558+02:00Comments on The Musings of a Life-Long Scholar: Am I a pushy broad?A Life Long Scholarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13930670217574191380noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260170608317887597.post-65835206398631187042009-04-29T19:19:00.000+02:002009-04-29T19:19:00.000+02:00Oh, I can so relate to this! (Go figure.) Though I...Oh, I can so relate to this! (Go figure.) Though I would say that as a cultrual issue, it's not so broad as "American" or "not American". Having gone to undergrad on the east coast, I found the style of discourse to be much more direct and confrontational than the west coast. Not that people were arguing so much as challenging. "Why do you say that? How do you defend it? Have you ever (or never) considered x?" Back on the west coast, this style is definitely seen as pushy. Especially in a business environment. Here it's all about consideration and consensus, which are good things, but can be painfully slow and/or ineffective. And I tend to be impatient and/or dismissive if people linger too long on something that seems to me to be a "bad idea" if not quickly offered evidence to the contrary. (I'm told I don't suffer fools gladly and I admit that "keep up!" has at times been a mental mantra - hubris, I suppose.)<br /><br />Yet, when it comes to "pushy" I say, bring it on. I like when people push back on me. It makes me better at my game. I should be challenged - it will help me marshall, alter, or improve my arguments. And challenging others should also be approporaite - especially for colleagues. The intent is not to make you look bad, but to help you (and by extension the project or company) be better. But since I tend to speak with an air of (mispleaced?) confidence, less forceful styles can be easily overwhelmed or cowed.<br /><br />Tactics I've used to soften this affect (when I remember) include couching my comments with an introductory "from my perspective" or "from what I understand so far," waiting after each point (sometimes literally counting to five in my head) to see if there is a response before going on to the next, asking point blank, "what do you think?" and paraphrasing what the othr person has said to make sure that I understood it and also to acknowledge that I have listened.Bethnoreply@blogger.com